I'm in a long-distance relationship with the moon

 

              For as long as I can remember I’ve been in love with the moon.  To understand that you have to understand my journey. 

 

              For most of my adolescence before the age of thirteen, there was a multitude of people telling me where I was going to live, where I was going to go to school and if I was good enough to keep around or send back as if I were defective.  Before I was thirteen, I had more homes and families than I did years on this earth.  I don’t really talk about this because part of my life because it was something I didn’t want to remember.  I’ve learned that the only way I would find my peace with it was to talk about it and talk loudly. 

              Although I often didn’t know what pillow my head would be resting upon for any number of nights, one thing I could always count on was seeing the same, yet ever changing face of the moon.  She always seemed to shine brighter on my darkest nights. 

              When I was young, I only knew her as “La Luna” or “The Moon”.  It was a small rock that rolled around the earth that only shined from the light of the sun.  So, from my adolescent mind I understood the moon could only shine when she was allowed to.  I spent much of my free time in the library reading about the moon and understanding her importance.  I drew my own conclusions and formed my lifelong love of her. 

Yes, she borrowed the light from the sun

No, that didn’t make her weak

She was given life as we all are, but what she decided to do was shine for an entire world who hardly noticed her.  I began to follow her and understand that she had joys and sorrows just like I did.  Her crescent resembled a smile, even as it narrowed and became new. 

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              When I went to go live with my grandparents for the first time, one thing I remember was the way my grandpa would talk about the moon.  He told me that if I ever felt lost to just remember to look up and she would guide me home.  I often talk about my grandfather.  He was a hopeless romantic and I was lucky enough to witness the part of himself he hid from mostly everyone.  

 

As I grew I learned that so many different cultures had their versions of the moon.  What her name was, what her story was. 

 

Of all of them, when I learned about Chang’e, which is a Chinese story about the moon goddess that lives on the moon, this immediately captured my heart. 

The first story I learned of her was that of the moon goddess Chang’e.  She was married to an archer named Hou Yi.  Hou Yi, was asked by the Jade Emperor to tame the 10 suns that illuminated the world.  The Jade Emperor asked the 10 suns to only play in the sky one at a time as to not hurt the crops or people who lived on it.  When they refused Hou Yi shot 9 of them down, only leaving one.  It’s said that Hou Yi was immortal but decided to give up his immortality to help mankind in times of need.  As a gift from the emperor, he was given an elixir (two pills in other versions) of immortality.  One night while Hou Yi was away, a thief, who was also Hou Yi’s apprentice Peng Meng, broke into their home and attempted to steal the immortality elixir.  Chang’e, in a panic swallowed the elixir which granted her immortality.  She floated off to the moon leaving Hou Yi on earth.  So, the legend says she lives there with her jade rabbit, waiting for Hou Yi.  When she’s sad she hides in the dark parts of the moon. Sadly, he being mortal, died here on earth. 

 

There are so so many versions of this story.  If you’re familiar with Chang’e, then I’m sure you’ve heard a different version than the one I learned. 

 

This is what ignited my love for the moon.  That there is someone waiting for me, somewhere.  Even if I haven’t met them yet or that they exist only on the moon waiting for me.  I won’t stop until I find a love that makes me feel as warm and safe, in the way I do when I look at Chang’e.

Until then, I will be in long-distance relationship with the.  No matter where I am on this earth,

 Chang’e’s face is the same. 

 

-julien