self-love

    

        A common theme within my posts is self-love.  Well, that and so many stories of me growing up and the challenges and obstacles that were in my life in one point or another.  However, self-love has always been important to me.  Coming from me, it’s sort of a funny statement because I have focused on loving others and caring for other my entire life.  It’s my lot in life.  Not everyone is built to carry the weight of the world in their emotions.  I’m glad, I can.  I consider it an honor. 

           

            Self-love is not a concept I’ve known for too long.  In my years, I spent more of it tearing myself down, which gave other permission to do the same; which led to a very low self-esteem and to an almost zero self-worth.  This is how I viewed myself for so long.  “What do I have to offer?”, “I’m so lucky he’s with me! Because look at him and then look at me!  Why is he even with me?!”, “I don’t think I’m worthy of you loving me.”, “Maybe if I’m nice, they won’t leave.”  These are all thoughts I’ve said out loud to myself at one point or another. 

 

            A few years ago, I noticed that I kept pouring my heart and my soul into everyone and everything I did.  I gave them all I had; and even when I didn’t have anything to give, I somehow found a way to keep giving.  By no means is this me bragging about how “I’m such a good person”, I believe that you show that through actions, not words.  I took notice of this and I didn’t know how to stop it.  I wasn’t sure if I could or if I even wanted to.  Then, as if someone walked into my mind and turned the light on, it clicked!  “How can I take care of someone else’s wound, while I’m bleeding to death?”  It sorts of made sense, but then I thought “Well, I’d probably still try to take care of them while I was still bleeding out onto the floor! Let’s be real Julien!” 

 

            The point of this story serves only to remind you to take care of you.  Especially now.  How we all need some self-love now.  This pandemic has disrupted so many lives, it’s ended so many more.  Don’t forget to love yourself past this quarantine.  In 2017, I wrote about my time I’ve had in this life and how I never would go back and change any heartache, any mistake or any tear; HOWEVER, there would be one thing I would change: 

 

            “The only thing I would do differently is love myself as much as I did everyone else. 

                         I would speak to myself and about myself as if I were someone I loved.” (JY, 2017)

 

            This was true in 2017 and this is true today.  This is for all of you.  If you’re already loving yourself, don’t stop!  If you haven’t, today is the day!  If you love yourself fully, then you will be able to fully love those around you. 

 

Happy Sunday to all of you

 

Keep your ink wells full

    -julien

 TIME