20/20

            Our normal has changed.  Our everyday routines have changed.  Our last-minute shopping has changed.  I can speak for myself that my sense of urgency has changed!  I’m still not accustomed to looking at a clock because the store might close because “There’s always Wal-Mart”.  Now, in these times of pandemonium, even our 24-hour safety nets have been laid to rest. 

            Since we’ve been on lockdown so many things you’ve always done have been taken.  Remember to check in on yourself.  You aren’t meant to be locked inside or afraid to hug, however, in these uncertain times we are forced to adjust.  Our mental health has been under stress lately and if you aren’t in your best spirits, please know, that’s ok. 

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            2020 was going to be everyone’s “This is the year!” where they reached that goal, wrote that book, started that diet, joined that gym or made that trip.  One thing I’ve learned in 2020 is just that.  To have 20/20 vision!  Many things have come to light that were previously hidden or swept under the rug because that’s just the way “things are”. 

             This country, my country has been in the limelight lately.  Not for its great accomplishments or progress; rather scrutinized because of the ignorance, hate, bigotry and just plain stupidity that has fallen into the hearts of so many people.  I’ve thought of so many ways on how to dismiss this because I’m “used to it” or “that’s the way things are” or “they should have just listened” by the simple fact that I have been programmed and conditioned to think a certain way.  To think that certain people are more deserving than others. 

            Being trained at a young age on how to be pulled over by the cops to make sure I wouldn’t be hurt or taught how not to talk with an accent because of the fear of possible deportation or being detained; I’ve learned that this isn’t everyone’s normal.  I belong to an exclusive group of people who have the honor of worrying a little more because of the color of their skin.  Once I left that protective bubble of my grandparents the real world hit and situations, I could never dream of began to appear.  Being pulled over because I “looked suspicious” or because it didn’t “look like the car was registered under my name” started to happen on a basis a little too often for my liking. 

            Years and years passed, and it happened more than once, on the same street, in the same car, by the same police officer.  It was only then I began to ask myself why.  Why was I being targeted when there were cars driving A LOT faster than I was.  There were cars a lot nicer than mine.  Then I sat at a light one day and realized that the person to my left, who was driving their fancy car recklessly was much, much, much lighter in skin tone than I was.  I noticed that they looked and talked more like that police officer.  This was my first self-realization of what racism looked like.

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            Fast forward to 2020, I sit in my truck knowing that right now is not the time to be pulled over for any reason.  I do a daily self-inventory and look over my truck to make sure I’m not missing a headlight, taillight, break light, license plate light, blinker, driver’s license, insurance card, registration, or title to my truck.  This habit of mine has become second nature and can do it without thinking.  How have I become so conditioned to do this and accept that this is the only way I can get anywhere safely?  Sometimes I envy the friends of mine who only must read or hear about racism, and not have to live it every day of their lives. 

            Coming from a multicultural background it’s amazing to see how my melanin, regardless of origin, is being oppressed all the same.  In the time of Black Lives Matter and George Floyd, I am proud to stand with my people and say that:

 I hear your pain. 

I feel your pain. 

¡Tu lucha es mi lucha! 

Leo ndiwe, kesho ndimi! 

 

              When this all began, I myself confused the differences and the need to riot.  The need to protest and wanted peace and love from everyone.  As days have progressed, I have been able to open my own eyes and see why people are protesting, why their rioting, why they want to burn down cities.  It isn’t easy to watch; however, change is coming one way or another.  The media will portray many people of color as criminals for expressing their right to protest.  Protesters and looters are two very different people, stay focused.  Don’t get confused, if you do, I’ll help you understand.  I’ve read so many posts, opinions, rants, inane ramblings and just far fetched ideas, they are all coming from a place of uncertainty.  The uncertainty of their safety, their sanity, their rights, their lives.  We must remember that no matter which side you stand on, we all have voices.  If you choose to promote hate, ignorance and violence, I will not listen.  If you choose to bring your voice from a place of love, passion, need, safety or even equality, you have my undivided attention. 

            Keep up your good fight.  Keep up your advocacy.  Keep up your hearts work. 

I’m standing with you my beautiful black brothers and sisters. 

 

Black Lives Matter