Family

Family is such a funny word.  Family is most commonly looked at someone you’re directly related to by blood and sometimes by marriage.  Family by its very definition is:

fam·i·ly

/ˈfam(ə)lē/

noun

noun: family; plural noun: families

1)       a group consisting of parents and children living together in a household.

2)       all the descendants of a common ancestor.

3)       a group of related things.

The definition goes on to define family as a group of people united in criminal activity.  Nowhere within this definition does it define that family can be chosen.  That family can be found.  That family can be earned.  We have many other words for these instances which I strongly feel that it only hinders the capability of understanding that family is a word that has been defined incorrectly for so long.

                When someone is adopted or fostered, we call them our “adopted family” our “foster family” In some instances these can be correct.  It can be assumed that sometimes this is strictly a business transaction.  However, there are times when you find yourself without the family that brought you into this world and this new family is so happy and so eager to have you a part of theirs.  In this instance, the words adopted, and foster should disappear from our vocabulary.  If someone introduces you to their family and they don’t specify that they are fostered or adopted, then it is safe for you to assume that this is their family.  These other words should not exist.  By telling someone that they were adopted, and they don’t have a real family is like you being judged for being short or being tall.  Just like our height is a predetermined factor that cannot be helped; often that person who has found themselves with a new family, left a situation that could not be helped. 

                Myself for example.  My sister Rawan.  I don’t consider her my “adopted”, “fostered”, “friend”.  She is in every sense of the word, my sister.  We spent so much time in each other’s lives that I couldn’t imagine where I’d be without her.  She’s seen my highs and has lain down with me in my lows.  One thing that irritates me more than anything is when someone says, “Oh where’s your friend Rawan?” or “She’s such a good friend.”  It’s like you dismissing my belief and my family.  That I will not tolerate.  She and I have a strong bond, a connection that isn’t easily shaken.  My sister Rawan is and always will be just that.  My sister. 

                With Luis who has been my companion for almost the last 12 months, his family is surly becoming mine.  When someone asks me where I’m at, I say I’m with my mom and my boyfriend.  I call her mom.  She loves me and treats me like I was her own.  I am scared to disappoint her because I want to make her proud.  His little brother is my little brother.  I worry about him constantly because I know he’s in a phase in his life where he is a little lost and trying to find who he is.  My job is to help him navigate through ravaging seas and help him find his way to a safe harbor.  Because of my family I have with him, I feel like I’m home.  The last time I had this many family dinners was when my grandparents were still alive.  I’ve dated plenty and dated often, none however, have made me feel like I was where I was supposed to be all along.  Like they were waiting for me to get home. 

                So, my hope is to help people redefine how they see family.  When the family you’ve created treat you with more dignity and respect than the family assigned to you at birth, then it’s sort of hard to not call them your family. 

They are a part of me and it’s because of them, that I am who I am today.