Autumn

             Almost like a gentle crisp.  Being Texas, that won’t last long.  Today is officially fall.  It’s the autumn equinox.  This morning felt different as I didn’t wake up at 5:00am without an alarm clock, as I usually do.  My routine is simple in the mornings.  Jump out of bed, turn on the kitchen light, start the coffee and heat up the pan so that I can start making my breakfast.  While the kitchen is warming for me to start my daily ritual, I go out to my patio and feed the birds.  I make sure the water in the bird bath doesn’t need replacing and check my plants to insure they’ll survive this intense Texas heat! 
The air feels cooler this morning.

              While out on the patio, I can hear the gentle hum of cars and trucks as the pass to start their busy days.  The distant laugh of a child going to school and the grunt of the old taxi driver who lives on the first floor.  To add to the morning symphony as I like to call it, I realize something is missing.  The usual song that comes from the small birds who inhabit the trees that surround my building.  Where is that familiar sound and I realize that they may be gone until the spring.  It made me a bit sad.  However, I also smiled because I knew that they were going on to a place that they could be warm and safe from the coming winter.

              I go back to finish making my eggy soldiers (eggs in a frame), I sat at my usual seat at my dinning table which faces the window to look out onto the patio.  Now usually the first bird shows up around 7:30am without fail.  I look at my clock because the morning feels late.  It is about 9:00 am and no sight of them yet.  What is happening?  I’m not ready to say goodbye to them yet.  I just bought them more food!  Some of you may know that I’ve lost quite a few people who I hold dearest to my heart like my grandparents, my god parents and my daughter.  So, with these visitors who I feed so diligently I always feel as if it’s their spirits saying that they’re here with me.  Some might think that’s silly, but for me, it’s comforting. 

              As I sit there, I reminded myself that sometimes, even when you’re not ready you have to let go.  Even if it hurts.  Even if you may think that your future seems to be so uncertain.  One thing I have always found, is that nature will never take away one thing, without giving you another.  After all she is our mother and is always nurturing.  Even if we treat her like crap and take her for granted, just like our other mothers, she’s always there.  Without fail, without judgment, without question. 

              You must remind yourself that anything that you have to say goodbye to or put away in your life comes at your own choice or a choice beyond your control.  You must find your peace, or it will haunt you.  Know that goodbyes aren’t forever and that you will find your way when you least expect it.