Me & 2018 (Part 2)

Happy 2k19 everyone!

Since 2018 has officially ended, I wanted to post the second and last part of my 2018.

Starting this story where the last one ended, it takes me to the second week of my trip. My sister Rawan came and picked me up in Bakersfield and after a tear-filled goodbye with my sister Patsy and my mom, we headed out to Kanab, UT. The trip was pretty smooth with the exception of all the crazy altitude changes that gave me a headache. We made it to the hotel a few hours later than expected, but we made it right when we were supposed to.

That next morning we hiked Bryce Canyon. The morning started with a surprisingly satisfying breakfast from the hotel and the waffles were my favorite part. We planned briefly what our trip would consist of and how we would go about getting the most out of that day. As I walked outside in a different city, I took in the scenery and all you could see were mountains. That beautiful red rock painted every corner of my eyes.

After getting to Bryce and we begin our hike we started at a point called “Wall Street”. It was filled with switchbacks and a steep decline. Luckily we started at that point, because climbing up them would have been the death of me. After passing “Wall Street”, we get to a deep area that I could no better describe as Petra, Jordan. The rock and the passages felt so familiar. As if I was there before in a dream. The trees felt familiar and the air smelled familiar. It was as if I was right were I was meant to be.

The hike took a lot longer than expected because of how captivated we were and how the beauty of this place held us in awe. I took so many pictures! Even stole a few moments to myself to just sit there and allow the grandeur of this canyon to come over me. I could do my best to allow you to come on my journey with me, however, no words I could ever use would compare to the feelings and emotions I had that day.

My sister was as happy as can be, I on the other hand started to get worried because I knew we wouldn't make it back up the mountain before dark came. As we began to slowly climb back up to our starting point we came across this tourist and he kept us company for the remainder of the trek. My sister was talking her head off and I was trying to stay alive! Since I lived in Texas, so long, I was not used to high altitudes and you could see it in my face. At one point I remember looking over the edge contemplating death. Wondering if I let myself fall from the point where I was at, if I would die on impact, because I wasn't completely against it. My body was so tired and it was 11ºF! My sister would constantly check in with me to make sure I was ok. As I accepted the fact that the only way I was going to be able to get into bed tonight was by making it up this mountain, I kept on.

I used that hiking pole as if it were a lifeboat! Holding onto it for dear life. I had a lot of time to walk with my thoughts and at that point, it became a mission of inner-strength. I had just experienced the worst heartbreak of my life and I was now being tested on how strong my will was. My will to keep going on no matter how dark or dreary it may seem. Walking at this point was painful, however, I kept saying to myself that I was almost there, even though I knew I wasn't. By the time we reached the top, I just stood there in awe and in love with that mostly full moon. Seeing her in a way I'd never been able to before; I was closer to her than I had ever been. This hike was definitely one of self discovery and proving to myself that I am stronger and braver than I give myself credit for.

The next morning we did it all over again! Except it was a trip to the Grand Canyon North Rim. Getting there was almost the end of the trip! We had forgot to put gas before entering the park and there was no gas available in the park according to the signs. Staying calm we sorted our options. We eventually found a park ranger that showed us a small gas station close to where our destination was at that still had gas pumps that were operable even though the store itself was closed. That put us behind schedule quite a bit, however, we still managed to do a little hiking and see some amazing things while we were there. Being there gave me such a calming feeling. It brought me peace. As I stared off into the distance and noticed how the rock seemed to be perfectly aligned. As if someone cut the tops off these mountains to make it perfectly flat.

The light here was so pure. It bounced and arched back as if it were playing along the surfaces of each incline and kissing each hair on my head. If you have never experienced this, I beg you, do it. You could sit here all day and read my words and I'll try to put them all down as accurately as I can, but it will never do it justice.

We eventually made it back to Menifee (where she lives) and spent the remainder of the days exploring San Diego and other areas with her. I spent the Thanksgiving Holiday with some amazing people. It had been a really long time since I had heard my laugh belt from my lungs the way it did within these last two weeks.

When I came back to fort worth, it was so different. It was as if I was homesick all over again. Homesick for a place I hadn't seen in over 13 years! My apartment felt so empty and my longing for having my family closer came back to me. I came home to those countless letter I had written for someone who would never read them.

Finishing the year in better spirits than I anticipated I have been able to find so much happiness and so much peace. This new year will be filled with more self discovery and letting go of things that want to leave. One thing my sister Rawan and I learned from this trip was never to force anything.

My mantra for 2019 is “Ride with the wind at your back and the sun on your face”. I know it's not the greatest, I made that up about 45 minutes ago! Those are my words and I will live by them.