Dear Daddy

Here's a Flashback Friday for ya!
I was about 19 years old when I wrote this.
I've not talked about my father much in this blog up to this point.
Here's a first glimpse.  I wrote this to him after I told him I think I might be gay.


Dear Daddy

Dear Daddy,
I am sorry to upset you.
There person I am, you hate.
How can you hate something you helped create?
Why am I to blame for the path chosen for me?

I just hope now, or one day, you can see my pain.
Not one day goes by that I don't run you through my mind.
Always asking why you did this.  What was my crime?
Longer and longer my days become as I die with the sun.

Am I to say sorry for my ways?
I truly think if I disobeyed what you prayed of me,
some things I can't say sorry for.
I can't say sorry for being who I am.
I can't say sorry for what I am.
Nor can I say sorry for not being that man, you hoped of me.

That now said, I can offer many sorry's
I can say sorry for not being honest.
I can say sorry for not being your best.
I repeat sorry for as many times you need.

Now you father help me understand.
Why am I wrong for being who I am?
My efforts after this will be my last.
I have removed all secrets with that mask.

_______

One thing I have left to say.
I hope one day, some way,
you can love me again.