time

I’m in a point in my life where the world expects me to have it figured out. 
The world says “Hey!  You’ve had enough time!”                                                          
I’m expected to have a mortgage, a husband, 2.5 children and a dog.                 
With the time I’ve had, I should be an expert a t this thing called living.
If I’m being honest, in my 35 years on this earth,                                                  
I’ve given a lot,                                                                                                      
I’ve learned a lot,                                                                                                    
I’ve loved a lot,                                                                                                      
I’ve gained a lot,                                                                                                    
I’ve lost a lot,                                                                                                        
and I’ve cried a lot.                                                                                               
One thing I can say I haven’t done enough of, is living.                                      
I’ve lived the majority of this life for others.                                                          
When I gained love, my love of self discovery was put on hold.  Forgotten.         
Not in the least is this me saying I regret how I lived my life.  The only thing I would do differently is love myself as much as I did everyone else.  I would speak to myself and about myself as if I were someone I loved.          
Who has the right to say you’ve had enough time?  I’m just now starting to figure out who I am.  I’m just now gaining all that I lost.  I spent so much time away from my childhood with burdens and worries that were beyond my years.  My mind and heart had been so confused for so long…
On my road to rediscovery I find myself in this forest which is made up of my lost thoughts, ideals, dreams, aspirations and hope.  I wander through each trail hoping that each one will lead me to a sanctuary to where I left a once lively self.  With each step I find myself going deeper and deeper into my mind.  Discovering thoughts and feelings that I thought were long dead.  A part of me wants to burn that whole forest to the ground and start all over again.  The other part wants me to keep wandering.  Wondering.  Discovering.  Loving.  Hoping.

After all, just because you wander, it doesn’t mean you’re lost.