coffee & uncertainty

as I approached him I tried to calm my heart,
beating vigorously under that blue flannel shirt.
Fall crisp air escaped my lips as I said hello.
With his returning glance he smiled,
in a way only he could.
That perfectly imperfect smile
which slanted slightly to the right.

at that dark walnut table with worn chairs.
Chairs that have hosted so many stories
of heartache, of joy, of sorrow and of love;
we sat still for a brief moment.
Uncertain of where to go.

A nervous laugh propelled itself
out of my lips and into that coffeehouse.
Uncertain of where to land.

He listened to my stories of days he missed,
but not without distraction.
He heard my laugh and jokes,
 but not without hesitation.

As I sat there staring at him and then
back into my coffee, he waited.
He waited for me to say those past due words.
I could see uncertainty as he gazed back at me.
Uncertain myself of what to say,
I spoke of insignificant ramblings.

That cup rapidly began to empty
leaving only foam and fear of emptiness.

As we left, I breathed that moment in one last time.
Knowing that this would be the last time
we sat at this table with these silent emotions.

We offered a friends' goodbye.
When we hugged, he caressed
the back of my head with that
familiar touch.
Which startled me at first,
not knowing if it was my imagination
or if with that touch, he proclaimed his longing.
___________________

As if he could hear what I was thinking,
my phone rang so loudly as I made that drive home.
He asked of my destination and I hesitantly replied,
afraid if I said the wrong thing, I would miss my chance.

After a few spoken words, we ended our conversation,
promising a new day with new words.
Until then, I will go without knowing.

Uncertain.  Unknowingly.  Unafraid.